Showing posts with label Cards. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cards. Show all posts

Saturday, 9 June 2012

Cards, HUH, what are they good for? Absolutely nothing....

I find the whole idea of the 'greetings' card a very strange concept. More pressingly, they are a waste of money and a massive drain on this country's resources.

Upon receipt of a card most people put them up in the house for a few days, where they repeatedly fall over and make the place look untidy. Some folk invite trouble by putting them in the window, where they indicate to burglars that your house is full of expensive gifts, Cava and 'party food'.
Wherever you place them, the majority are thrown away within the week.

Dave, showing off his big birthday card and wearing his special birthday hat.

That's right, they throw your £2 card away, in the bin, dead. Just like you do when you get a card, so let's put an end to this pointless cycle of expensive nonsense right now.

If you've bought a present, fair enough, but don't buy a card as well.
Add the card money onto the gift budget, or buy a 'card substitute'- something useful like a packet of crisps, some cheese or a battery, or simply press a couple of quid into their hand while looking meaningfully into their eyes.

And don't kid yourself that a card is a 'keepsake' or 'momento'.
Do you treasure your cards and reread them years later, misty-eyed and dribbling while sipping sherry and stroking the cushions?
I hope not...
The only types who indulge in that type of behaviour are shrine-building stalkers who wear badges and kiss their Shakin' Stevens cuttings every night before bed.
Best avoided.

Dave, recovering from an expensive attack of the Prometheus Shitz.

I'm not against people expressing their sentiments in writing, but don't go spending two quid on the paper.

Write your inconsequential ramblings on some scrap paper (junk mail, receipts and Argos outlets are good sources), or for a romantic 'floaty' quality use half a piece of bog roll, unused if you want to impress.
Scribble on an old piece of foil for a 'Space Age' feel, or spiral your message round a cardboard bog roll tube for a quirky, 'I've lost my marbles and am currently under lockdown' effect.

And of course, you could always send your message via the Internet. Use someone else's computer to keep electricity costs to a minimum.