Thursday, 19 April 2012

Travelling-why it's a really bad idea, plus boiling peas in the kettle.

Travel.
I'm not a fan.
It's expensive, tiring and makes you feel 'grubby'. Plus, it takes ages and, be it by coach, train or plane you always end up densely packed with my bete noir-other people.
I'm also led to believe that it's not very 'green', as it uses a lot of petrol and pisses off whales.

I don't understand why people 'do' travelling any more. There are so many pictures on the Internet and in books that it strikes me as quaintly old fashioned to actually go there.
It's a bit like choosing to make your own puff pastry or knitting a sock, which no one except Kirsty Allsopp  would contemplate. And she'd only contemplate it if her efforts were being filmed for her TV show, don't try and tell me otherwise.


Dave looking at Times Square.

Dave, watching a Mets game at Shea Stadium. 
My biggest regret in life is not settling for just looking at pictures of Malta.
Oh no, I insisted on travelling three quarters of the way round the globe and actually setting foot in the treacherous, stinking hell-hole.
Big mistake.

Which leads me to my next observation. Travel is HIGHLY DANGEROUS.

In the news this week there was the case of the Air Canada pilot who woke up from a nap, saw the planet Venus, thought it was a bus and almost drove his plane into the Atlantic Ocean.
Hell's Teeth, what a fright that must have been!
On the other hand, we've all been there....
A few days ago I was napping on the sofa in my Slanket and dreamt that someone had knocked on the door. Getting up to answer it in a state of 'significant sleep inertia', (that's what the pilot had), I trod on the whippet's tail and made him yelp.
It can happen to the best of us.

Dave, dressed as a local tribesperson, on a bus in Cameroon. With some monkeys.
Holiday makers return from their travels exhausted, in debt and ill.
Without exception, they will have been kidnapped and tortured by the locals. They are usually riddled with parasites and have lost a few toes in a shark attack, especially if they stayed at Butlins.
At least 75% of their belongings will have gone missing and, when asked if they had a nice time, they report the need for 'a holiday to get over it'.
I hate people who say that. As well as those who type 'LOL' and use the term of endearment, 'hun'.
Pure class.

Anyway, when it comes to travelling, save yourself a lot of heartache and just say an emphatic 'No'.

Apart from not travelling, today's money saving tip is to cook your peas in the kettle.
Obviously synchronise the hot peas with the need for a cup of tea or coffee, otherwise it's just extremely wasteful. 

No comments:

Post a Comment