I bought the much lauded 'Magnum' washing up liquid from Aldi yesterday. It seems that Which? has found it to be better than Fairy and so I thought that I would give it a go at 99p for a litre.
The thing that caught my attention was the exotic fragrance name-'Bamboo and Lotus Balm'. Bamboo seems to be quite the plant of the moment, what with it being 'sustainable' and the Edinburgh panda bears. You can even get pants and socks made out of it these days, apparently.
There appears to be a strong marketing trend towards giving cleaning products the most outrageously exotic names. Lenor Pearl and Moonflower fabric conditioner, Bold Crystal Rain and White Lily Flower 2 in 1 and Surf Small and Mighty Mystic Waterfalls of Lotus Flower and Wild Freesia (they must have been shooting up Speedballs to think that one up), being just a few examples.
My favourite is Febreeze Brazilian Carnival Mist and Refresh spray.
I am not very well travelled and have have only been abroad once. That was an ill advised trip to Malta 4 years ago. Bizarrely, Dave and I were thinking of moving there, so we decided that rather than landing for the first time at the airport with the dogs and all our worldly belongings, it might be an idea to visit first. I'm glad we checked it out as I hated it so much that on arrival I wanted to pay for a flight home rather than wait for the prepaid return flight a week later. As you know I'm not given to extravagance but it was that bad.
So, due to my lack of 'wanderlust' I have no idea what a Brazilian Carnival smells like but I bet it isn't very nice. Sweat, truck fumes, beer, fags and fried meat I'm guessing. The front room smells bad enough with four flatulent dogs and Dave, without adding fuel to the fire and paying around £2 for the privilege.
This type of "wordy"product naming seems to be spreading to other items such as cat food-Sheba Essence Fine Dining Collection and toilet rolls-Andrex Touch of Luxury Enriched with Shea Butter Toilet Tissue Rolls. I would welcome a touch of luxury but can think of better places to have it than up the jacksy.
The pet food industry has gone one step further and seems to be naming its food according to the pets affliction or surgical status. IAMS Adult Hairball Control cat food and Purina One Neutered Cat food being two examples. I added links as Dave said no one would believe me otherwise.
I think we should do this for humans too.
I quite like the sound of McVities No Gall Bladder Hob Nobs, Ginsters Depressive Tendencies Steak Slice, Birds Eye Erectile Dysfunction Fishcakes, McCain Stop Snoring! Oven Chips, Ben and Jerry's Dude Where's My Tonsils? Ice Cream or Heinz Prone to Piles Meatballs. You could have a full 'Prone to' or 'Stop!' range designed to combat common ailments such as constipation, fungal infections, boils, PMT, ingrown toenails and flatulence. No need to bother the doctor. Just go shopping and self medicate to your hearts content.
Moving on, the trip to the new Poundland was good and it seems larger than the one in Carmarthen. I bought two 213g cans of pink salmon. I love tinned fish and pink salmon is my favourite. I think that it's far nicer than red, but then I never did have much class.
I remember when it was only just over a pound for a large can, now you are lucky to get a large can of pilchards for under a pound, let alone pink salmon. I bought a large 418g can of pink salmon from Tesco just before Christmas and it was £2.17, so these cans for a pound each were a decent buy. As you can see they had two varieties so I thought that I would hedge my bets and try one of each. Strangely both tins have the word 'fancy' on the label.
We also dropped into the 99p Store and got a large 350g jar of minced ginger, which I thought was a fair price. We get through loads of ginger due to Dave being addicted to Indian food. I will let you know how it tastes.
Anyway I'd better go now as breakfast beckons. Todays it's Kelloggs Prone to Sciatica Cornflakes with some Stop Skiving! milk.
The thing that caught my attention was the exotic fragrance name-'Bamboo and Lotus Balm'. Bamboo seems to be quite the plant of the moment, what with it being 'sustainable' and the Edinburgh panda bears. You can even get pants and socks made out of it these days, apparently.
There appears to be a strong marketing trend towards giving cleaning products the most outrageously exotic names. Lenor Pearl and Moonflower fabric conditioner, Bold Crystal Rain and White Lily Flower 2 in 1 and Surf Small and Mighty Mystic Waterfalls of Lotus Flower and Wild Freesia (they must have been shooting up Speedballs to think that one up), being just a few examples.
My favourite is Febreeze Brazilian Carnival Mist and Refresh spray.
I am not very well travelled and have have only been abroad once. That was an ill advised trip to Malta 4 years ago. Bizarrely, Dave and I were thinking of moving there, so we decided that rather than landing for the first time at the airport with the dogs and all our worldly belongings, it might be an idea to visit first. I'm glad we checked it out as I hated it so much that on arrival I wanted to pay for a flight home rather than wait for the prepaid return flight a week later. As you know I'm not given to extravagance but it was that bad.
So, due to my lack of 'wanderlust' I have no idea what a Brazilian Carnival smells like but I bet it isn't very nice. Sweat, truck fumes, beer, fags and fried meat I'm guessing. The front room smells bad enough with four flatulent dogs and Dave, without adding fuel to the fire and paying around £2 for the privilege.
This type of "wordy"product naming seems to be spreading to other items such as cat food-Sheba Essence Fine Dining Collection and toilet rolls-Andrex Touch of Luxury Enriched with Shea Butter Toilet Tissue Rolls. I would welcome a touch of luxury but can think of better places to have it than up the jacksy.
The pet food industry has gone one step further and seems to be naming its food according to the pets affliction or surgical status. IAMS Adult Hairball Control cat food and Purina One Neutered Cat food being two examples. I added links as Dave said no one would believe me otherwise.
I think we should do this for humans too.
I quite like the sound of McVities No Gall Bladder Hob Nobs, Ginsters Depressive Tendencies Steak Slice, Birds Eye Erectile Dysfunction Fishcakes, McCain Stop Snoring! Oven Chips, Ben and Jerry's Dude Where's My Tonsils? Ice Cream or Heinz Prone to Piles Meatballs. You could have a full 'Prone to' or 'Stop!' range designed to combat common ailments such as constipation, fungal infections, boils, PMT, ingrown toenails and flatulence. No need to bother the doctor. Just go shopping and self medicate to your hearts content.
Moving on, the trip to the new Poundland was good and it seems larger than the one in Carmarthen. I bought two 213g cans of pink salmon. I love tinned fish and pink salmon is my favourite. I think that it's far nicer than red, but then I never did have much class.
I remember when it was only just over a pound for a large can, now you are lucky to get a large can of pilchards for under a pound, let alone pink salmon. I bought a large 418g can of pink salmon from Tesco just before Christmas and it was £2.17, so these cans for a pound each were a decent buy. As you can see they had two varieties so I thought that I would hedge my bets and try one of each. Strangely both tins have the word 'fancy' on the label.
We also dropped into the 99p Store and got a large 350g jar of minced ginger, which I thought was a fair price. We get through loads of ginger due to Dave being addicted to Indian food. I will let you know how it tastes.
Your dissection of the product name game is really insightful. Well done on your research and observations. I'm currently suffering with hot flushes due to the onset of my menopause. Could you possibly source some remedy for my condition ? Something in the cake line would be most appreciated. Kind regards BZ
ReplyDeleteDear BZ,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, thank you for your comment.
I agree, a high carb diet with none of those pesky proteins or vegetables is the way to go. In the biscuit line I wholeheartedly recommend Bonio Senior Prone to Incontinence Tasty Treats or Pedigree Stop Sweating! Gravy Bones with added Oestrogen.
HTH
That is so true Charlie. As an author and business man, I can relate to how you said "You could have a full 'Prone to' or 'Stop!' range designed to combat common ailments such as constipation, fungal infections, boils, PMT, ingrown toenails and flatulence". I hope more people discover your blog because you really know what you're talking about. Can't wait to read more from you!
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot for that Daniel. Its great to read peoples comments, especially when they are positive and come from someone who knows what they are talking about!
ReplyDeleteHa ha, that was funny. I don't know if you would have piles if you ate meatballs, more like a case of the trots :o)
ReplyDeleteThanks Meanqueen I think that you're probably right. To staunch the flow, I would recommend an egg sandwich on white from Tom Tits Get off the Bog! range...
ReplyDelete